Save My Boys

I spoke to both of my sons tonight and told them both how much I love them, how much I think of them, how much they are a part of my heart and how proud I was of them for being strong during this dark and difficult time in our lives.

I also reassured my older son that none of this was his fault. He’s starting to feel like all of this is his fault. Although some of his behaviors haven’t helped (he is after all autistic and does therefore have special needs), I told him that this is mainly the fault of one or more power hungry CYS workers.

Both boys are so homesick, that it is pitiful. They both want to be able to come so badly. And, I told both of my sons how hard both my daughter Jenn and I are working to “rescue” them from CYS.

Jenn, her kids and I have been going every Sunday to see A. (my youngest son) at the shelter. Thankfully, it is a nice place run by the Methodist Church. It is clean, the staff seem kind and my son has his own room there. he says the food is good and they do go swimming, go out on trips, have parties, etc. And although all of that is nice, it is still not home.

We are also planning to go Saturday to see my older son Y. at Devereaux to bring him some more needed clothing, snacks and a few other items. He shares a room with a child who destroys my son’s property whenever he is angry with the staff. Besides discussing this with the Director, I am bringing a lock box for my son to lock up his items to keep them safe. I am going to request that this child is transferred out of Yusef’s room as my son should not have to deal with this. Other than this, the Director has informed me that my son is doing very well at school, participating in group therapy, etc. And he is quite pleased with my son. Again, all of this is great, but it is still not home.

In my older son’s case, we have to get CYS off of him, so that he’ll be able to come home every other weekend as the normal therapeutic treatment plan is normally done. This at least would be somthing he could look forward to and strive to do better in order to fulfill jis treatment plan and goals, so that he would then be able to be discharged to come home. At Devereaux, the children are discharged to come home when they complete their treatment plans and goals.

If it is possible, we’ll go every Saturday for my older one and every Sunday for my younger one. They are both able to call in the evenings. A for 5 minutes twice a week and Y for 10 minutes twice a week. Plus, I can call them. Although they both initially are starting to cry when they are first on the phone, they are usually OK and sounding more like themselves by the time we say our goodbyes. It’s hard on me too. But I do my best not to fall apart on the phone and to reassure them and try to keep their spirits up until they can come home.

The ability to come home every other weekend is especially important as it is a part of my older son’s treatment which involves working on familial relationships. So that when it comes time for his discharge, we will as a family, get along better and life at home should therefore be smoother, easier and happier for all. Basically, because of my son’s low tolerance and frustration levels, he had difficulties in being able to control his anger and thus being able to express it in a more acceptable way. This would then in turn create a lot of turmoil at home between him and his younger brother. Hopefully, he will learn better coping skills, and I will in turn learn better strategies to help him in this, so that through time it will become a natural thing for him to be able to do.

And, although initially as Jenn mentioned in the prior post that T., the CYS worker who was present at my son’s admission to Devereaux, didn’t seem too thrilled over it, she nodded her assent to it. As after all, this is one of the goals: to work with the children’s goals and treatments for family reunification.

As CYS has repeatedly stated they want me to be actively involved in my son’s treatment plan as that would be part of my “Permanency Plan” which is required (along with a “parenting class” and whatever else they suddenly come up with to do as their requirements for family reunification.).

After all, they keep hammering away on “they have concerns”, “they have safety concerns” and “they have issues”. All of this is always vague and never stated explicitly as to what these concerns are. I personally believe that this is a deliberate tactic that they employ so that they can always be able to change their requirements whenever they choose, as verbal statements can’t be proven unless it is either recorded and or videotaped.

I’ve been on a so-called waiting list for this “parenting class” for over 7 months. I’ve continually asked the CYS caseworker when I would be taking this class and all I get is: “I’m still on the waiting list”. Now mind you, I have a degree in Early Childhood Education with a minor in Psychology. And, even though I’ve told them this, it makes no difference.

Plus, as many of you already know, I’ve successfully raised a beautiful, smart and well-adjusted daughter on my own as I had divorced her father when she was very young. And, she is the proud mother (and I the proud grandmother) of two beautiful little ones. So, I obviously must have done something right.

At one point I was told (1 month ago) that they would see if the parenting class could be waived as we had just had Family Based Services which was tailored to my son’s needs; rather than a “generic” parenting class”. And, guess what? Surprise! Surprise! They mentioned that I still needed to take this class at the courthouse 2 weeks ago.

I was also told 1 month ago that they would wait until my older son was placed in Devereaux and my younger son’s WRAP services started. As September was my review month (they do them every 6 months). They would then most likely close my case. As everything else that had been required had been taken care of. Also, a couple of alleged allegations that they had had also been found to be unfounded and was closed. Because I had swatted my younger on the behind a couple of times, the stated I admitted to using tools on him, such as a paint stick and a metal spatula. I said no such thing. As they went to camp, checked my son and took pictures of him as well. They admitted he didn’t have a mark on him. Of course he didn’t, I didn’t do anything like that to him. So that also is “unsubstantiated”.

CYS is just grasping at straws. Anything they can think of to keep hanging on. I think they had decided they wanted to take my boys away from me a while ago. They just waited until they had something they could embellish and blow out of proportion in order to get a court order. Which is exactly what they did.

I really do believe that all of this is being done because for some reason either they don’t personally like me, possibly have differing opinions on some issues than I, etc. Bottom line, I believe it’s an issue of control; someone is really on a power trip. I have been continuously harassed by them since January of 2007. It has been one excuse after another as to why they haven’t closed the case.

First it was truancy which the school principal called them in January of 2007. That is the original reason for their involvement, which was then taken care of through medication changes and a strict bedtime routine. The case should have then been closed. Instead, for whatever reason, they decided to stay involved and started looking for anything and everything they could.

Grasping at straws to keep involved and as each thing became unfounded, they would look for something else. Then it simply became vague “concerns and safety issues”. Vague issues that would be hard to fulfill as of course it’s meant to be for some bizarre and twisted reason. It really takes a special kind of hard unfeeling person to be able to do this kind of work and still have the utter gall to act like they care and are compassionate and want to earnestly work with you for family reunification right after tearing your family apart. What’s wrong with this picture?

I personally am beginning to think that they are the ones with the metal illness that allows them to do this kind of thing to people. I truly don’t know how they can otherwise live with themselves and sleep at night. They must not have a conscience. They couldn’t, at least not like a normal person’s.

From there it just spiraled out of control. Grasping at straws to find anything and everything that they can think of to stay “involved”.

Supposedly referring for services to help. Something they never have done. All of the children’s services were services that I had requested and their MH/MR case manager, later the ICM case manager as well as PA Counseling Services who also helped with referrals to obtain the various services that they needed.

It was the day before they took my children away from me that T. the CYS caseworker told me that I could call her for help with transportation services if I needed them. I sometimes would need that. Especially towards the end of the month as I live on Social Security Disability. So, funds are low at the end of the month. How ironic was that? She helped with transportation alright; she transported my kids away from me the next day. She’ll get hers. Between possible legal actions and the fact that I believe in karma. What comes around, goes around.

Then it became “missing doctor appointments”. Which did happen due to illness a couple of times. But, the appointments were always rescheduled within a few days to a week later. Plus, the boys always received their medications religiously. They never missed them.

Then, they focused on my medications. Suddenly the supervisor’s supervisor, K. was of the opinion that he had never seen anyone on the amount and types of medications that I take. Since they didn’t like it, they didn’t approve of it. So, I found myself suddenly having to defend my illnesses and my medications. This man told my daughter over the phone this. So, I had to go to my family physician and a psychologist to disprove their theories of serious mental illness and possible drug addiction. Which I did. They still have “concerns over my parenting abilities.”

After this it was a lack of supervision. The boys got into a fight one afternoon. All kids at one time or another fight. Usually over something stupid. That’s part of being a kid.

And a couple of days later, Jenn and I went shopping (that was when she bought an adorable little pug puppy, Leah) and as it was getting late, I called my neighbor L. to pick up my sons at the bus stop. Which she did. She then watched them for me until we got back. The boys had stayed in L.’s house until about 3/4 of an hour before we got back. They wanted to go outside and play for a while. It was at this time CYS came unannounced and saw my sons and L.’ son playing on my swing set in my yard while L. sat outside with her daughter at the side of her house so that she could both see and hear the boys. CYS assumed that they were unattended because my car wasn’t there. My older son said that they never even asked him if someone was watching them or not. He said they just turned around and left.

These were my lack of supervision episodes. Again, this was one of their excuses for lack of parental supervision. Again, questioning my parental abilities. They didn’t want to hear that kids need to be able to go outside and play. They also need to learn some responsibility., And by allowing them a little time outside alone encourages that. If they never have the opportunity to learn some responsibility as they grow up, what will become of them once they are an adult? They wouldn’t be able to function and I am not going to be around forever to take care of them. Plus, it’s not healthy for them. Yes, they have special needs, but they still need to learn some responsibility and independence.

Well, this is going to be a very busy weekend, between visiting both boys, picking up my father and bringing him along to visit with the boys also, and finally with meeting with a member of daddyjustice.com and a phone conference with someone from welfare who had called me yesterday as well. I am praying that something positive and good will come from this for my sons and myself.

Please keep spreading the word and keep us in your prayers. I also believe strongly in the power of prayer.

I am praying that something positive and good will come from all of this for my sons and myself. My sons are truly my life. I would do anything for them. And, I will continue to work diligently along with Jenn to get this taken care of as soon as we possibly can.

Unfortunately, because of laws passed by prior presidents in the past (such as Clinton in 1997), CYS has way too much power that is and has been abused by power hungry caseworkers. Just imagine if you had that kind of power at your disposal and if for some reason you just didn’t like someone and how easily you can just twist around facts, embellish and outright lie in order to get a court order to tear apart families for no real reason other than to assuage your own control issues.

This is unfortunately what has happened to me and many other families.

We as a nation need to write to our congressmen, state welfare agencies as CYS is a part of the welfare system to repeal these laws. As many of you had said, you knew of people this has happened to also. You never know, if a neighbor doesn’t like you, it only takes a phone call to have CYS in your life to wreak havoc. So, this is something that you can do, write to your congressmen to have these laws appealed and rewritten. You never know: it can happen to you too, God forbid. That is also another thing that all of us can do. I never knew anything about this kind of mess until it happened to me. And the shock of it all has still not totally left me. I can’t believe how all of this went so out of control and how easily they can just cavalierly make these statements to take my sons away from me.

They should not have passed a law that can be applied so easily across the board without any consequences to the CYS caseworker involved. Instead, it should have more safeguards, so that it can only done to children who are in obvious situations of physical, sexual, emotional abuse, neglect (such as no clothing, no food, being locked up, etc). That is the type of case where the children would be better off in a decent shelter until either their family situation can be resolved or if unfortunately or maybe fortunately in their case, adoption.

Please keep spreading the word and keep us in your prayers. I also believe in the power of prayer. And in the power of the internet. Besides informing all of you out there who know Jenn and are her friend, this will also in inform your friends and beyond. Just like the ripple effect of a pebble thrown into a stream.

Plus, you just never know who might come across this, read it and perhaps be the one who is able to help me get my sons back, get CYS out of my life and possibly assist me in suing them for harassment and the smearing of my good name and reputation as well as the emotional duress that my sons, my daughter, her children and especially myself.

My sons are such a part of me. All of you who are mothers understand this. They are literally a part of me. I still remember them in my body, feeling them move, feeling them being born as they slipped out of my body until I finally held them in my arms minutes later. They will always be a part of my life. Just as my daughter is also.

I graciously thank each and everyone of you out there.

Carolyn

This entry was posted on Friday, October 3rd, 2008 at 4:34 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.